Okay, first, Saturdays…apparently a bad day for me to blog. Basically a month has gone by since my last post and that’s how it starts. Something knocks you off your path, then another thing, and so on till it feels like you can’t get back to where you were or where you want to be. And it’s very tempting to just let it all go and say, “Oh, I’ll try again later.”
No, you won’t. That’s just another way of saying, “I quit.” And I’m a stubborn New Englander, so I can’t let that slide.
And it’s been hard, especially for the last few years, because it isn’t lack of drive or ambition that got in the way. It’s the precious resource of time. It’s crazy to think about how much time there used to be as a kid, but the as the years go by, the hours seem to have less and less substance. And it also doesn’t help to have a sleep schedule that doesn’t like to be consistent. I’ve always been a bit of a night owl, but since the chemo the changes in my sleep can be drastic and sudden. Then add to the mix the vast complexities of life. Family, friends, love life, and personal upkeep can take a lot of time. And it’s hard for me, because I’m one to help those around me–well, most people, but that’s another blog post…which may be a revision of an old? *shrug*–and I’ve had a lot of more time to do that and it’s reflexive, so I’m trying to work on more stable boundaries on what I can do and trying to remember I need to help myself as well.
One of the hard realizations is that I need to cut down on the number of games I’m in. At the start of 2016, I was in a seven different games. Over the course of last year I was able to ween off a number of them. I was in four by the start of this year, but realized soon that even that is too many. By next week, I should have only two, my weekend games, but I’m starting to see a scheduling problem that may mean the end on yet another game, but I want to give that one more time before I make the final choice.
Next week I’ll be with my love, Sammy, both for Valentine’s and to help recover from wisdom teeth extractions. And I can’t wait to be with her. It’s amazing to have not only someone that is so supportive, but also has such an honest, “outside of myself” perspective so that I can better examine my life. I like to think I was pretty good at it before, but it’s comforting to have a person in my life that knows me so well to understand where I’m coming, but is just as devoted to me succeeding as I am–including giving me the harder truths, not just the soft, comfy, cheerleader support. I’ll be using the rest of February to re-prioritize and adjust what I’m going to work on this year and better organize my life and time around those projects.