As the title suggests, this is the last blog post. For how long, I’m not going to say. It could be indefinite, it could be only a few months. But for now, I’m not planning anything new for this blog, except for publishing and appearance news.
It’s been nearly a year since the end of the chemo and the doctors said it’ll take about a year to fully re-adjust from the treatment. Over the that time, I’ve tried to get back to writing and tabletop rpgs. In the beginning, I knew I was having trouble. I’d just finished the treatments, so I assumed it was just part of being full of cancer poison. As time went on, my focus and concentration–essential when creating stories of any kind–seemed like they weren’t getting better. I considered it as “being out of practice” or “mental rust.” But in the last week, I realized that, no, in fact it’s a real problem.
One thing that hit home with me was talking to player in a Semi-Organized game I’m co-game mastering. She was asking me questions during a lengthy conversation and when it came to us wrapping up, I realized I could only remember one of her questions to bring up with the other GMs. That is very unlike me. I used to have a great short-term memory and recalled key points of conversations with ease. That conversation hit home that something has changed. The other thing that I notice came during my replay of Batman Arkham Asylum. I’ve played this game maybe 3 times through. But there is one bossish fight I did not remember–the two Titan henchmen fight, for those that played. There is a decent amount of focus needed because you have to dodge every attack for the guys your fighting. And about 2/3rds of the way through the fight, I could tell my focus started to slip. This slipping happened every time I tried the fight and I know it took me much longer to finish that it did the other times I played it. This was confirmation of something I was trying to deny when it came to writing: my focus is shot.
This is common for people who went through chemo treatments. They call it chemo brain, which I don’t like. It sound childish and silly for something that, at least for me, is a major setback. But I have it and can’t deny it anymore. I’ve got to retrain myself to work around it. Because of it, I just don’t have time to keep a blog like this one updated and current. I do recaps for my Unknown Armies game and I’ve learned I need a good week just to edit because of the concentration, focus, and memory issues. There is no way I can manage consistent blog posts here.
I want to thank those of you that have followed me through the last seven years here. Hopefully I’ll be back one day, but I never make promises if there is doubt I can keep them.